its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
