My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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