Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
