did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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