ya dads aren't the best wingmen
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Randomize
