was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
