Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
