areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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