that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Randomize
