I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
