my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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