i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
