i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
