hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Bring me that man meat
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
