Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
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