i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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