we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
