do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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