im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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