I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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