im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
