If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
