Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
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