What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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