why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
