just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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