Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
