It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
