Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
