She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
