I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
