Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
