I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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