I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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