i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
