i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
