Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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