good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
