I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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