My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Randomize