Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
