Ambien. No doubt about it.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
