he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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