This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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