somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
