I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
