I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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