Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Randomize
