U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
