He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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