i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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