My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
