U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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