chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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