Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
