I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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