I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
