How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I don't deserve a penis
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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