We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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