please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize