Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
