I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Let's get the cat blown out
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
