just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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