he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I could have mohawked her pubes.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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