I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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