You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
MIDGETS
????
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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